Money, It's always fucking money!

I am angry at my Hubby about money right now. It is the worst hot topic button for us in regards to our marriage. It doesn't help that I have also been incredibly bitchy and grumpy lately. Suffice it to say that instead of using the money for a bill he is using that amount to spend on dinner with his friends tonight. The worst thing I let him. Because otherwise I am the bad guy and he'll get angry because his fucking social life is more important to him than anything else in the world. Savings? The only reason why we have savings is because I put them in my name that he can't touch. As it is our savings since the move have gone down by three quarters, due to so-called emergencies. Like paying rent. That one I will accept. But Christmas gifts and food? We should be able to budget the money we have incoming for that month and not be pulling from savings.

I swear that man was never taught how to manage his money. His attitude is we got it, we spend it. Even when we don't got it, we spend it! I blame it on his father who is exactly like this as well. Every winter he goes through a period where the incoming money is not the same as the outgoing and he doesn't change his spending habits! Work is seasonal, so maybe we should realize this and change with the seasons? This year due to the fact that I was able to save some money we weren't hosed come January and February as in previous years. We should have had a house by now. Instead of renting dumpy little shitholes that suck the money out of our wallets. I get so tired of this and yet it happens again and again.

Can I change this bad habit? I have been trying for 10 years now and tonight has shown me that no I have not broken this habit. I look back over the years and see the pattern and yet I can not stop it from happening again. So we will ever get a house? In this market probably not. Will we ever save up enough money to buy a house? I honestly believe somedays it will take a miracle. And those aren't handed out to people like me.

I was going to do my five positive accomplishments today but I can't right now. I can barely see the letters on the keyboard through my tears.